band of mothers · Family · positive self talk · strong mama

Mom Shame

Mom shame. That constant feeling that you aren’t doing enough, you aren’t thin enough, you aren’t rich enough, you aren’t organized enough. The list goes on and on, and I know many women, and moms fall victim to that ugly voice inside their heads. When this happens I feel like we look somewhere to place the blame. “Well, social media makes me feel bad about myself,” “the celebrities are just perfect right after they had a baby, see I’m not measuring up.” “My neighbor has the cleanest house, I must just suck, because I can’t keep mine clean.” This voice is imaginary. It’s something inside your mind, you are telling yourself you aren’t good enough and looking for something or someone to blame for your insecurities, but frankly, if you are feeling this way, you don’t need to look outward, you need to look inward. No one can make you feel something. You are in control of your own life, your own reactions, your own identity.

It’s human nature to constantly compare yourself to others. We all do it. It happened before social media. Social media does not cause depression. It happened before magazines and movie stars. Magazines do not cause depression. We have become a generation  of people lacking a secure enough sense of self to withstand the trials and tribulations of life. We’ve become a society who lacks the ability to take responsibility for our behaviors, our reactions, and our sense of self-worth. It’s always someone else’s fault. We look outward for an ego boost, someone to tell us we are smart, pretty, talented, or someone to validate that it’s okay that we are feeling bad. The seeking of validation is like drinking from the devils cup. It poisons us, it’s addicting, leaving us craving more and more, it creates a false sense of self esteem, one that is built on a house of cards.

As moms we become extra vulnerable to these pit falls. Usually feeling isolated, overwhelmed and looking worse than we ever have before. With the addition of saggy boobs, stretch marks, varicose veins, baby weight, no time to shower, your clothes don’t fit right and on and on. YOU HAVE LOST YOURSELF. You feel terrible about yourself, this is counteracted with the joy of the new life you have created of course, but deep down you ache to have that flat tummy, those perfect little boobs, to be a size 2 again, so you just silently suffer and make yourself feel bad about not being that anymore. The older I get the more I realize, you know what, that’s life. This is a season of  life. Just the same way I will never be in High School again, I will never be who I was before I had kids again, and that is okay. That is growth. I am not perfect, I have cellulite, my boobs sag, I have so many varicose veins and spider vein, my belly button is like a crater, and I’m overweight. I of course strive for fitness, I live an active lifestyle, but my days of desiring perfection are behind me.

You gain something from just living life. I may only be thirty one, but I have been through a lot in my adult life. I’ve been through some things the last four years that have literally knocked me down to the absolute lowest point in my entire life. My marriage was almost destroyed, I questioned my entire adult life, I questioned myself, am I good enough? It has been a painful few years. I don’t want to go into the details because they are private, but it was by far the most destructive thing to my self confidence and made me question my self worth and my purpose. Feeling vulnerable, overwhelmed with grief, and questioning my entire self I discovered something. NO ONE CAN DESTROY ME. NO ONE CAN TELL ME I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. NO ONE IS ME. I know that all sounds incredibly conceded, but it’s true. I am me. There isn’t another one. That’s it. If it isn’t good enough for you, then you can walk away because I’m happy with who I am. Sometimes life has a funny way of teaching you things. It’s been years of rebuilding. The biggest lesson I have learned is that, things will happen in life. Good things, bad things, annoying things, hard thing, but no one can tell me how to react to them. I choose my own reaction. I am in charge of my emotions, my feelings, I am in charge of my life.

Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, snap chat, and other social media are just outlets. Of course people are posting their best self. If you feel you need to see someone elses daily  failures to feel okay about your life not being like an Instagram picture, then it’s time to take a step back a re-evaluate yourself. Maybe take a break from social media. Do some soul searching, remember who you are and what makes you , you.  In reality, seeing pictures shouldn’t be enough to make you feel bad about yourself. They are pictures. Just a moment in time. There is no sound, you don’t see what’s going on behind the scenes and it’s silly to form an opinion of yourself based off of someone else’s picture. I want to encourage everyone to get to a place where you can admire someone else’s talents without questioning your own. We need to be a “band of mothers,” create a community. We share a special bond. Let’s lift each other up, not tear ourselves down.

Be who you are and be okay with that! You are special, you are an individual, don’t negative self talk. Try the opposite. I’ve read before that “purpose fuels passion.” I definitely agree, find your purpose! Let go of who you “used” to be, live your life, you only get one after all. Don’t waste it feeling bad about yourself. “Never forget how wildly capable you are.”

“Every flower must grow through dirt.”


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One thought on “Mom Shame

  1. This was so good! Thank you for your honesty and the important message behind this entire post, definitely a helpful reminder to all women and moms. You are great ! Keep sharing!


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